I'm at a state in my life where confusion is blocking serenity. My serenity. I don't know what I want. What I'm fighting for. What my intentions are and why. It's like I'm in a trance of some sort. Lost in the moment. Letting every moment graze by my skin, willing to catch it but …
We don’t talk anymore, but I do miss you.
I look behind me, and the soft blur steadies slowly, squinted my eyes a few more times and I now see clearly. It’s a broken bridge, there’s a hollow gap, a deep emptiness that separates us. We used to share intimate little spaces, strange but familiar darkness, and the perfect amount of comfortable silence.
I used to fill your cracks with these tiny flowers that grow in my mouth, and you use to fill mine with warm fuzzy stars out of your pocket. I wonder if I left cold spots when I left your bed, I wonder what you use to fill them with. I wonder if my name shoots arrows in your delicate chest when it’s mentioned. It haunts me, consumes me, not knowing what you think of me. I’m screaming in whispers when I confront this humdrum fever.
I look at you, and I can’t tell anymore what…
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Hope
Hope is a deadly thing. It never goes away; keeps you alive but poisons you day by day. There can be no reason to have hope yet it still exists. I, just by existing, am a display of hope in itself. Things have been happening. I haven't been on top of everything. My family is …
̶o̶f̶f̶l̶i̶n̶e̶
weird things, weird feelings. wake up in sweats. bad dreams. something bad is going to happen. i can feel it. nothings normal in my heart. i'm just trying to understand. i want everyone to stay away. from me. doubting my ability to receive love. rethinking all my words. over and over again. until i just …
The Sun Shines Somewhere
Life passes. People come and go. The misery up and goes. There's more to life than the cage of understanding we've built around it. Things happen for a reason. At the time they desire. It's a different timezone than ours. So appreciate the people who love you in life. Who find good in what you …
Silently
Hurting myself isn't an option.How do I run away from this?What's keeping me alive is also killing me. What kind of tragedy am I in?She who I seek love from, fails to show me that she cares.Actions speak louder than words they say. All that I see is unfair.All I hear is silence. They say …
Irrelevant
Seasons come and go, flowers continue to bloom. Who gives way to rain, when sunshine is prevalent, behind the mountains the skies …
Anxiety is Box-less
Too lonely, too scared. Anxiety (n): me, my mind, my tears. When alone my thoughts spring free, jumbled and reckless. They swirl in my brain, pound and crash into every wall I desperately built to last. There's no way to focus on just one. version 2 I cry my tears & let the sobs run. Cover my face and …
No Name
this was written sometime in late 2018. Life is unfair. Impossible in thought. What we think, how we feel is irrelevant to its growth. I'm hurt. I'm distorted. I don't know where to look. My mind's a mess of jumbled thoughts, how can I tell someone so. It's weird, these feelings inside - they often come and go. But the sadness …
He I Loved
This is about someone I loved and will always hold close to my heart. Each sentence has its own meaning. Its scrambled and random, but it's the most raw words I have in the moment.
Anxiety in a Box
I need a way out. I'm trapped in a box. No peeking holes. No booby traps. No way to get out. I'm sealed in from all ends; no space to move around. I can hear the walls talking yet no words are coming out. Water drips down, I catch all the drops. A moment of …
Mercury
I have trouble connecting two and two together. Never ace me in math. My minds a mess, jumbled thoughts. The future sides with Mercury. Close but dim, the tides are high. Emerging from glares, only when there's a why. Perhaps still invisible to the naked eye. Somethings really wrong with me. Growth is perpendicular to …
Laced With Poison
I'm struggling with who I am. Straining to turn myself around. Spin on my feet. Feel the wind. I drape the negatives and choke them within. It's a black hole. Where does it all go? Assembled I was piece by piece. Ruined I was piece by piece. Re-build I will piece by piece. Giving up …
Plagued
She lost her way. She was addicted. Pain gave her happiness, happiness full of pain. She turned off her light. The sun fell to the ground. She burned her hands, gathering the pieces all around. Clouds made way for rain. She drowned. The tide was high. She was unfathomable. Originally written: …
Go To Hell
I'm sick and tired, of all the curiosity. My mind's eating me alive, I feel surreal. It's too much to reel in, my boat's sinking. Help. Into the water, I take a dive. Breathing? Unnecessary. I let myself drown, into the hellfire that calls out to me. I see no sign of tranquility. There's fire …
Noise
My mind wanders. My thoughts scatter, aim to break free. They show me the real me, the dark side of my negativity. I know I'm slipping away, out of breath. The knot's loosening. And I'm losing.
Without Any Chains
I wish I had a little bit of freedom. handcuffs. …
Parents or Enemies?
Why do some parents perceive themselves as more superior than their children? Why do some believe that they could do whatever they want, whenever they want and it wouldn't affect their child? Why do some deem it okay to scream at their child, call them names, torture them, put them down, make them feel inferior …
Anxiety
When my anxiety kicks in the firstmost thing I notice is my racing heartbeat. It speeds up so dramatically that I have to put a hand to my heart just to help calm it down. Then, the shallow breaths. My breathing slows, then races. It becomes inconsistent. And suffocating. Next, the weakness. I can never …
I Feel
I feel so alone today. So weak, so guilty. Regret. Its like I failed the test God set out for me. And I can just feel His disappointment. My mind is swimming with emotions. Many I fail to decipher. I feel like a bad person. I feel like nothing is going right. It's as if …
How
I just need to break down and cry. I'm back on a low. My tears are now fast and heartbeat slow. Deep breaths in and deep breaths out, still I feel suffocation all throughout. It's a sad place to be in, I can't escape. I can't deal with the anxiety, I should leave. Now my …
Pen and Paper
Emile Sandé - Read All About It | Part III | Writing. It's truly a blessing isn't it? I don't remember when I started writing. Or how. But it's been a part of my life since I could remember. Although, I never was fond of keeping a diary (until now) I was always better at …
One Day You’ll Fly With Me
Aliyah. I promise one day you'll be born into this world. I don't know when. But it's inevitable. I'm your creation. My whole world surrounds itself around you even when you have yet to be born. You are my hope. My world. My future. So I feel that I should give something back to you. …
My Chronic Hair Loss Journey – Telogen Effluvium
Hi, I'm a girl. I have lots of luscious hair. Well, I used to... Telogen Effluvium. In easy words, it's hair loss. But not the normal one. It's abnormal because I'm still under the age of 20 and do not have any other disease devouring me right now. So let's give this thing a nickname …
Continue reading "My Chronic Hair Loss Journey – Telogen Effluvium"
Just Lost
I have a big headache. I'm losing my hair. Really. My family is not mine. I don't feel like they love me. I don't feel comfortable in my own body. My dreams look so far away. I don't want to fall again, but I'm falling deeper than before. I'm unsteady; heavy-hearted, wanting to be gone with …
You Were my World
I'm falling. Somewhere deep, into my own self. Off a cliff, into an endless river. I cry. Then I smile. I laugh, then I don't. I talk, then I shut up. I look, and then I don't. She affects me more then I would ever want her to. She makes my life more difficult then …
Enslaved to the Fantasy of being in Love
This is for my girls (& possibly gay men). This is for heartbreak. For my heartbreaks. & for yours. Sometimes we value others more than we value ourselves. We give them more importance than we should. More than they deserve. We cherish them and hold them, close to our heart. We hurt ourselves but don't …
YOU
Family. It's a strong word. You have it. So do I. Mine is yours and yours is mine. What family means to me? Family, it's there. It's just there. Static. Unforgettable. Always influencing your decisions. Always on the back of your mind. It's important. It's annoying. You love it, but then you don't. It's your …
Fighting Parents
Eggshells. Walking on eggshells is what my whole childhood and teen years have felt like. I don't think i'm gonna spill my whole story on this. But from today I'm gonna keep a journal. I'll keep updating. FIghting hurts. It gets to you. As a child you feel hopeless. You feel like your the only …
RAW
Sometimes I really find that I am boggled. That my mind is rushing with emotions and I am not able to understand them. After watching a specific episode of Bones, I realized that the proper way to describe this was "I am not in tune with myself." I don't know what I'm feeling a lot. …
