you don’t know how hard its been to write in here. to face my feelings. go back down memory lane. realize the extent of the pain i’ve caused. i feel so lonely. its a different type of lonely. one where you know you could have been different. been loved.
and one where at the same time you push the ones you love away the most. i’ve been starting to get better. or i’ve just gotten used to all this pain now. inexplicable pain. to know and to feel the consequences of your actions. to learn how to void the constant humming.
i feel so lost. but whats worse is that i also feel as this is exactly where i belong. i am feeling this way because it was just meant to be. and perhaps its for the best. all this pain and suffering, it shall go a longer way than its past.
originally written: 04/19/2020 no edits were made.
