I’m at a state in my life where confusion is blocking serenity. My serenity. I don’t know what I want. What I’m fighting for. What my intentions are and why. It’s like I’m in a trance of some sort. Lost in the moment. Letting every moment graze by my skin, willing to catch it but paralyzed by fear. Before darkness was all around me, now it’s like I myself am the darkness. No one is able to help me. And they shouldn’t have to either. I’m a tangle full of knots and ties that I myself have created. I need to unravel. That’s the only way I’ll figure out the riddle. There’s always been a conflict with my emotions and who I desire to be. But these days it seems like the conflicts are arising and I’m stuck just riding the wave. Waiting to fall over and drown. But maybe these knots and ties are what is keeping me from falling over. Keeping me alive. I’m holding on to them and they’re keeping me from slipping off from the rope. Losing my grip. It’s a blessing in disguise. But still a mystery to unravel nonetheless.