Silently

Hurting myself isn’t an option.
How do I run away from this?
What’s keeping me alive is also killing me.
What kind of tragedy am I in?

She who I seek love from,
fails to show me that she cares.
Actions speak louder than words they say.
All that I see is unfair.
All I hear is silence.

They say she loves me. They say its her way of caring.
But everyday her care tells me how
I’m unable
And stupid
And unwilling
And not smart enough
And not good enough
To be her daughter.
To be a part of this family that has everything that is seemingly
not in me.

There is no win.
No point to proving my fight.
No point in standing up for myself.
The aftershocks of those actions weigh heavily onto those who are innocent.
By standing my ground and letting her know whats wrong,
I sacrifice the happiness of those that I love.

The tragedy is emotional despair.
And with no way out,
I’m left to believe that maybe I am nothing.
And everything that she says.

I lost my self esteem a long time ago.
I just didn’t expect myself to feel this hurt,
because of her
to this day.

The pain she causes is unimaginable.
All I can do is swallow what she feeds me.

Patiently and quietly.

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