Why do some parents perceive themselves as more superior than their children?
Why do some believe that they could do whatever they want, whenever they want and it wouldn’t affect their child?
Why do some deem it okay to scream at their child, call them names, torture them, put them down, make them feel inferior and unable?
If it for obedience? Power? Or has it just been going on for so long that now it’s just a habit?
I agree that God has given parents a higher role when it comes to this relationship. I agree that children should obey their parents and treat them with respect. And I agree that sometimes, for the better of the child, scolding is necessary to teach them a better pathway. But abuse of this right is very often executed and performed instead.
Religiously, if we ever want to look at examples we turn to our Prophets. However, in this case, it’s often forgotten. Majority Prophets treated their children with respect, love, kindness, and care only. There are no examples of superiority or wickedness displayed. If they desired to teach their children a right path, a good deed, or a valuable lesson, they sat them down and respectfully conversed.
The key word is converse. It should never be a one-way conversation. Prophets encouraged their children to express their opinions and always gave their childrens’ opinion true importance as well. A great example would be of Prophet Jacob (Yaqoob) and his child Prophet Joseph (Yusef). It does not matter which religion you are from or if you even believe in Prophets, it’s the example that counts. The lesson that is portrayed is all that should be focused on. Details are often irrelevant.
Children are their own humans. They have a heart. Their own heart. They have their own brain. Thier own feelings, desires, emotion, anxiety, sadness, happiness, anything and everything that can be named.
If as a parent, you need to scold them it should be done in a respectful way. The shouts, anger, scaring, and physicality, is all unnecessary. Kindness will show them how you only want the best for them. They’ll start to think of you as their friend. But if you raise your voice, get angry, and say mean things, OF COURSE children will start to look at you as their enemy. My mother often states in anger that she just wants the best for me and is not my enemy. But is it really the child’s fault if they perceive of you that way?
Children are free in judgment. They judge based on very basic actions and words. They don’t focus on the irrelevant details, only on the ones that matter. So if a child thinks of you as an enemy, it probably is because of your own actions. You can try to convince them otherwise, but as long as your actions don’t match your “kind” words, you will always remain in the role of an enemy.
Mental abuse is real. And it is often found in relationships that are crucial to a child’s development and upbringing, unfortunately. It is difficult to prove against which is why no to little action is taken on a federal level when relevant cases come about. It does not have awareness like physical abuse which is why people and parents are found in denial. Especially in conservative, religious, and Asian environments, that is where mental abuse is commended considerably and with ample ignorance. Entire societies and countries fail to focus on the one aspect that will actually determine their future.
Children ARE our future.
We have to protect them. Nourish them. Make them feel comfortable and safe, not caged and irrelevant. They need to have an opinion, not be forced to accept others wills. They need to learn how to express their opinions, not how to stay quiet and swallow their regret. They need to be given the room to make mistakes for no one is ever meant to be perfect. They need to be able to learn freely, not be raised to be cautious and fearing every step they take. They need to be their own human and treated with humanity, not be raised as a puppet and thought of as a curse.
This world is an easy place. We are the ones that make it complicated. Children are innocent humans. Their wills are more pure than all of ours combined. And parents fail to remember that. They forget that the child they are cursing out is their own creation. They forget that the child they refuse to apologize to is a blessing.
Children need to be earned. They are NOT for granted. And if you fail to realize that, then when your child rebels, goes against you and hurts you for every second you hurt them, it shall be entitled and rational.
For thats exactly how YOU raised them up to be.