This is for my girls (& possibly gay men). This is for heartbreak. For my heartbreaks. & for yours.
Sometimes we value others more than we value ourselves. We give them more importance than we should. More than they deserve. We cherish them and hold them, close to our heart. We hurt ourselves but don’t hurt them. We forget about others, the ones who truly care. We live in a fantasy world. Knowingly and willingly.
We let them purchase our souls. Our personalities. Our thoughts. Our love. Our truth. We let them buy us for cheap. Cheap for what? Just to gain their attention? Their lust? Their sweet words?
Is it fair? No.
Is it real? No.
Is it love? Hell no.
It’s hard you know. Its hard to forget about someone you cared so much for. You spent your nights planning your future with him. Shed tears. Wasted smiles. Spent laughs. Cared more. For what? For the perfect “oh nothing could go wrong” image of him. Maybe you did. So what? He doesn’t care. So why not? Why not keep doing it? Even after he left, he’s still your perfect. He still fits with you. You still remind yourself of him. You still give yourself to him. But you hurt. Every night. Everyday. Every moment. Every second. Now you hallucinate. You’re under the influence of love. The scary facade of love. And you don’t want to let go. Don’t want to accept reality. You want to stay happy and not go back to how you were a few months ago. By now, your self-love is down the drain, chasing the one raindrop out of the rest that ran away from you.
Why did I do it? Why AM I doing it? Because I’m human. And so are you. HUMAN. You deserve more. You are not cheap enough to spend your nights talking to him. You are not cheap enough to give every second of your day to him when he doesn’t deserve it. You are not cheap enough for their love. You are not cheap enough to care. You are not cheap enough to imagine any type of future with him. You are not cheap enough to fall down this drain. No, honey. You are not. You will not be the one who thinks he’s different. You will not be his one and only love. You will not. Because the truth is, HE is too cheap for your love. He’s already proved it. You KNOW it. Now it’s just a rat chase of when you’ll accept it.
This is your sign. Your sign to stop thinking about him. Loving him. Imagining him. Your future. The perfect life. The love of your life. Yes, he may have been your love. But he’s not the only love. You WILL meet someone else. You WILL fall in love again. Scratch that, you WILL fall in love CORRECTLY. With someone you deserve and are truly happy with. You WILL forget about him. You WILL value you.
You will be priceless.
But how would you know that you’ve found the one? Well honey, you wouldn’t ever doubt it.
There would be no need to know.